you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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