i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
