I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
