she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
