There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
