Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
