Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's never too late to be topless.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I need to calm my uterus...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
