Will you blow on my dice?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
