I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
