how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
