I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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