No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
