"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Randomize
