She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
