Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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