Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
