I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
