i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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