Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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