Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
