She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
