I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
