Who did Billy Mays play for?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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