she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
