no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
