I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You can't special order awesome
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
