At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
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