Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
