u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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