Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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