I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
