If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
