she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
