Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
