I think i sorta joined a cult last night
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
