Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
