And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
