After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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