If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
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