the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
