he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
