Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
