i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
