Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
