you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
