i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
