His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
