:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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