Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
