Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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