i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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