Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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