Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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