why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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