Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
